My husband and I have a decent sex life. When we have sex, I do enjoy it. My problem is initiating it. I rarely feel like I want to make love. How can I motivate myself to want to do it more often?
--iVillager "T"

Dear T:

It probably won't surprise you that many couples have experienced the same pattern. The reasons may differ, but the results are the same. The three biggest killers of sex drive are stress, anxiety and fatigue. Alone or combined, they can be lethal, causing your sex drive to spiral downward. The "cure" is simple, yet not so easy. Start by making sure to take time out to relax and unwind, and be sure to eat well, exercise and get plenty of rest. Not only will such a regimen help improve your sex life, it'll make you feel better overall. Since our sex life is not just something we "do" but is, in fact, who we are, a healthy, happy sex life is essential. Alone or together with a partner, sexual pleasure is an integral component of good health and feelings of well-being.

Based on your subsequent desire and enjoyment once sexual play has been initiated, I sense that making sex a priority again, coupled with a little time management, might just be the ticket for you. Setting aside time for sex is the first step. Make "sex dates" with your lover in advance. Not only will it assure that you have time (and energy) for loving sensual play when you're rested; you will also benefit from the buildup and juicy anticipation of a fun and sexy time together with your partner. For some, making sex dates may seem forced at first, but the fact is, consciousness grows where attention goes. So, if it's a richer, more frequent sex life you seek, why not put your heads together and start getting creative? After all, just because we plan a sexy time together with our partner in advance doesn't mean the time shared can't be fun, romantic and spontaneous.

Have a question for the Sexual Pleasure Pro? Ask it here. Want to learn more about sexual desire and enjoyment? Check out Dr. Patti Britton's Love Lesson, The Secret of Sexual Arousal, now!