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My husband has no sex drive

By:
Ruth Westheimer

Question :

My husband has almost no sex drive, and it is making me crazy. I enjoy sex very much, and I feel that my needs are not being met. I feel sex is a way to express your love for another person. I sometimes feel that my husband doesn't love me. He thinks I'm just being foolish, but this really bothers me. I feel it is causing a real rift in our marriage. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice for me on how to handle the differences in our sexual and emotional needs?

Answer :

There are a number of things you can try, though ultimately you might have to go for professional help, either to a sex therapist or marriage counselor. If your sexual appetite is a lot stronger than your husband's, that's going to leave you sexually frustrated. You can ask him to satisfy you every once in a while without having an orgasm himself. You can also masturbate yourself. Between those two methods, and making love to your husband, hopefully your sexual needs can be met.

While sex can certainly be an expression of love, there are many others as well. Your husband, if he really doesn't feel like engaging in sex very often and yet does love you, should make an effort to show his love for you in these other ways. He should hold hands with you, cuddle you, hug you, take you out for a romantic evening, send you flowers -- whatever it takes to prove he loves you.

Now, I realize that even if you both follow my advice to a T, you're still not going to have the ideal marriage that you might have fantasized about. But if you can make things better than they are now and accept that, then the two of you will be fine. If you find that you can't do it alone, then go for help.

 

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