Dear Dr. Patti:

Are any other women out there who are uncomfortable with the appearance of their vaginas? This has been a problem of mine for a long time, and actually interferes with my enjoyment of sex. My labia are very fleshy and protrude a bit, and when I am aroused, my clitoris gets very swollen. I feel that my genitalia have an almost masculine appearance! I've never felt attractive in this area.

I've often thought if I could find a book that has pictures of different vaginas, I could become more comfortable with mine. Does anyone know of such a book? (I've tried to locate medical journals and the like, but have had no luck). Please respond if you can relate. I'd be very grateful.

--M

M:

You have hit the jackpot! In fact, there is a wonderful photographic book called Femalia (available at Amazon.com as well as at my site, http://www.yoursexcoach.com), which transcends all other picture books by showing female genitalia up close and personal. I often use it with both my male and female clients in teaching them about the female anatomical structures. Not only does it have beautiful photos of the actual genitalia of about 20 women, but the quality of the renditions and the sex-positive intention of the book put it in a class by itself. The women in this book gave their images for the healing of sexuality, and the photographers are people with care, pride and a loving regard for this project.

Now, here's something that you can do to overcome your negative self-image about this very private part of your body: Begin to embrace the idea that this is you. I suggest that you take an hour to explore ourself in front of a mirror, carefully regarding your genitalia as a gift from the Universe and viewing it as if for the first time. While alone, sit down and get comfortable in front of a hand-held or standing mirror. Now, beginning at the top, examine first the two layers of outer lips, then the clitoral area, especially your little jewel after she is aroused, then the folds and wetness that it contains, the urinary opening, the vaginal entry and the perineum (the space between the vagina and the anus), and finally the anal opening. This is all yours. You came into the world with it and will leave, hopefully intact, in this same way. This is your call to love and adore yourself, just as you would want any other lover to do.

Take whatever time necessary and allow whatever feelings emerge, see yourself step by step, fold by fold, and tell yourself that you are beautiful JUST the way you are, inside and out, all over. That way you will be redesigning the negative self-talk that has you abhorring your own body. If that's not enough, get the videos by Betty Dodson (author of Sex for One: The Joy of Self-Loving) and check out her Website at http://www.bettydodson.com. This is your moment reclaim the woman that is you.